The Classic Cartoon Strip
The only place guests to your place are guaranteed to get a moment to themselves is in your loo. This is your chance to land their headspace with something totally distinctive. What you choose to put on display in your lav matters. They will be looking and they will take note.Don’t join the twee bell curve and fill your loo with lavender pots and candles. Don’t join the outliers by filling it with nude images of yourself. Do something different, something distinctive and personalise your loo with art de toilette!
Sporting achievements
Need some themes to get you started?
'The moment we decided to...'
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Make a kid (e.g. you'd seen your new nephew and thought you could do better than that) or not make a kid (same as above except the opposite)
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Have a cat/dog/dugong etc (e.g. realised we had disposable income we could just fritter away)
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Buy a flat/house together (e.g. our old place used to scare the poltergeists)
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Get married (e.g. shortly after we were kidnapped in Chad, or when the Chancellor announced better tax breaks for newly weds)
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Turn off the life support for mum (e.g. we had to do it when the doctor wasn't looking).
'What attracted me to...'
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You / not you / your dad / your mum (e.g. the way you can lick your own forehead)
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My fiance (e.g. your incredibly large and prominent bulging wallet, that mole under your left nostril)
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Sleeping with animals (e.g. cats, dogs, taxidermy specimens)
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Self-harming
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Becoming a feeder
Formative moments in their lives
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Boarding school didn't influence his interest in sado-masochism until he became the headmaster
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Coming second to the kid in the wheelchair in the egg and spoon race
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Discovering that I secretly love watching him watching trains
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Our first murder together
Our favourite...
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Holiday (e.g. fell off a pyramid, gored by a bull, failed to drive a speedboat, etc)
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Gig (e.g. crushed in the moshpit, got tickets for the wrong day, lost my virginity/wallet/credibility)
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Restaurant (e.g. didn't get food poisoning, sparred with the waiter, got drunk with chef)
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Things we do together (e.g. mud wrestling, staring at the walls, sniffing glue)
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Ways to fill in the space between birth and death (stick Haribos on our skin, drink)
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Achievements (winning food eating contests, stealing prams, whittling mermaids)
'When you were little you used to ...'
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Sniff bricks
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Sleep in our bed
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Insist on wearing dungarees to funerals
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Play the banjo with your toes
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Eat ice-cream through a straw
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Confuse the fridge with the toilet
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Scare us
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Be uglier than a box of frogs
'We must be in love because I haven't killed you when you...'
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Bite the heads off rats outside the Nursery
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Blow off at 6am when the alarm goes off
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Leave no toilet roll replacement when it's empty
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Cut toenails in the living room
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Never take the wet clothes out of the washing machine
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Drug me and invite the neighbours round to photograph my unconscious body